Grade 11 Level 4 Writing Sample

Do you think it is important for people to continue to travel into space?  Why or why not?  You may want to think about issues, such as:

  • costs
  • dangers
  • rewards.
Student Example

Student writing sample:

Many people dream of traveling in space. The stars and planets are there.  People should explore space to find out new information; however, they need to know the dangers and costs of space travel. 

For several reasons people travel into space, such as, to discover what's in it, to know the dangers it could bring in the earth and to know the possibility of people trying to live thereIn fact who knows what you might find their, a planet where humans beings can adapt and or perhaps people from space or maybe even water. Travelling in space can help us know new people and things such as provision of opportunity to get to know other species and planets. Maybe you can discover new places or maybe to find a better place to live. People continuing to travel, in space gives us humans, great knowledge and new ideas because as humans discover new things in life. For example when humans first landed on the moon they discovered that there isn't gravity, and oxygen, and that objects weightless. The rewards of travel I'm sure will be amazing.

However traveling into space is very dangerous and risky. Even any second the spaceship might explode into tiney pieces and you die, also going up there and not being able to come back down to earth due to a failure. However there are more dangerous risks such as lack of resources, like oxygen and food supplies.  It is dangerous to explore space according to the research, about 30% of people who try to travel in space were killed in space. Furthermore, after traveling about 80% of people suffer from the gravity difference. I think food will be awful there, but it’d be cool to walk around with no gravity.

The main problem is in traveling into space is the costs, it is very expensive.  It will take a lot of money to build the spaceship, and I don't know if a lot of people would risk their lives and go on board of it. Going to the moon very costly and has great risks, to both families and the individuals traveling into space. It's quiet costly because the equipment used is very high, and quality and is produced according to the size of the human, and the type of the job that's going to be carried out. According to the news article London times people use about 60 billion on space exploration.

But despite all that finishing the mission is a very great honour as it is a risky job and is also at the same time and honoured to the country. I think that space travel, is improving over time because technology is also progressing fast making space travel. There are risks, but at the end space travel helps us humans and makes things, such as communication much easy for us faster and efficient.

Selects from a greater range of words, including utility words (planets, dangers, human beings), descriptive words (new, several, better), subject-specific words (gravity, technology, communication), academic words (costs, reasons, problem) and words with multiple meanings (board, mission, job, end).

Level 3: Uses negatives (lack, no, don’t), irregular plurals (people, oxygen, equipment), object pronouns (it, you, us), prepositions (of, in, to, out, into, on, at, over), regular verbs in past (killed, used, produced) and future continuous tenses (will be amazing), and irregular verbs in past and future continuous tenses (no evidence).
Level 4: Uses phrasal expressions, conditional structures and a range of tenses in active and passive voice with increasing accuracy. (Attempts complex grammar with significant word order and tense errors.)

Uses sentence structures to express relationships of time (For example when humans first landed on the moon they discovered that there isn't gravity, and oxygen, and that objects weightless.) and condition (Even any second the spaceship might explode into tiney [tiny] pieces and you die, also going up there and not being able to come back down to earth due to a failure.).

Level 3: Uses circumlocution (things such as provision of opportunity = provides the opportunity, gravity difference = difference in gravitational exposure) and word substitution (people = government, use = spend, to = for) to add descriptions to writing and make better word choices.
Level 4: Makes effective word choices and uses correct punctuation.

Produces expository and narrative texts with a developing sense of audience, genre, voice (However traveling into space is very dangerous and risky, it’d be cool to) and degree of formality. (Writes an essay that includes an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs and a concluding paragraph.)

Connects ideas in a cohesive, well developed five-paragraph academic composition using a variety of cohesive devices (however, in fact, or, furthermore, because, according to, but despite, as).

Level 3: Edits and revises text for capitalization of proper nouns, apostrophes (that’s), quotation marks, hyphens, dashes, commas (such as,), regular and irregular spelling (species, lives), spelling of homophones and homonyms (there, their), subject–verb agreement (I’m, It is), appropriate word choice (adapt, awful) and addition of supporting detail (30% of people).
Level 4: Edits and revises essays for most punctuation conventions, appropriate word forms and word choice, content, organization, verb tense, and active and passive voice.

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