Grade 5 Level 5 Writing Sample

Compare your home, village or city to the place you live now.
Describe the things that are the same and different.

Student writing sample:

I’m going to compare the village in my country to this city I moved to. First this is a very nice city that is filled with very honest people. Some of the people in my village were dishonest because they learned different values from their parents. I think because it was hard to get the things we needed people sometimes had to lie or steal. Secondly, in my village children wore dirty clothes and even torn clothes while in here people wear clean trendy clothes. Another thing is my village had a large population of people who are all black. In this city people look different because everyone comes from different places. Also we speak three different languages but here we speak one language all of the time and French too, in school.

Next, in my village everything is ancient and this city has more modern buildings. My village was crowded with many small, round houses. Here there is more space between houses and they are a lot bigger too. Another difference is that in my country the animals are free to roam everywhere where here those kind of animals are in a zoo.

One other thing that is different is that rubbish is thrown everywhere in my village while as here rubbish is thrown in a trash can. Here, people care more for the environment so it is a much cleaner city.

Well democracy and elections are the same in both countries, they are a bit different too. We have a president, vice president, senators, governors and local chairman.  In this country there is a Prime Minister, a premier and the mayor and alderman

Comparing these two places is kind of strange because one country is mostly filled by people that looked like me, and this new country is filled with many different people. I feel different here but there I felt the same as everyone. It is hard to explain.

Uses a broad range of words (values, clean, trendy, population, roam, governors, alderman), a variety of word forms (honest/dishonest, other/another) and words with multiple meanings (free, lot, space).

Writes a variety of grammatical structures such as embedded pronouns (they, this), irregular plurals (children, people), a variety of word forms (difference/different) and verb tenses (I’m going, is/was, comes, speak, has/had/have, thrown, care, filled).

Writes complex sentences and cohesive paragraphs (I think because it was hard to get the things we needed people sometimes had to lie or steal.).

Uses circumlocution to explain ideas (children wore dirty clothes and even torn clothes) meaning poor and without means to wash or repair clothes. Adds description to writing (My village was crowded with many small, round houses.).

Writes narrative text with culturally appropriate form and style. (Uses topic sentence, body text and concluding sentence in response to prompt.)

Connects ideas with cohesive devices (that, because, while, but, where, so) and some transition words (First, Secondly, Also, Next, Well, Comparing).

Edits for common punctuation (comma after “next,” comma after “here,” commas in list: president, vice president, senators, governors and local chairman), capital on French, subject–verb agreement (animals are), tense (feel/felt) and sequence of ideas (people, houses, environment, government).

Use the checkboxes below to display the corresponding benchmark text.

Benchmark Ratings

 
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Overall
Benchmark Level:
5


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