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Student writing assessment exemplar:
Life is harder when you have choices. My culture believes that parents choose your path in life. Back in home my friends and I talked around what our parents wanted for us and worked carefully to get those goals. Then we moved here and I find myself in a culture where the children have to say about what they want to do. Ever since I’ve begun to think I might have to say about what I want in the world I’ve been so unhappy.
My father is engineer. He has provided a great deal of daily things for us and given us many opportunities. My mother is engineer too. Genetically I should be top in math but there is no proof of that. I spend hours struggling with numbers and both of my parents work explaining them at me over and over. At first I thought it was because my English was poor but I’ve been here six years now and that isn’t it. I just don’t get the numbers. Despite this difficulty my parents’ wishes for me are set. I have to be engineer.
In my high school they provide lots of career information and recommend choosing a career based on interests and talents. At first, I was at a lost for what might even interest me but over the months I have begun recognize that I enjoy helping people. I counsel all of my friends and read many books on philosophy, new age perspectives, and psychology. I brought these interests to my parents...once. It didn’t go well.
How do I join my new need for having some say about what I want to pursue in life with the traditional expectations to obediently follow the wishes of my parents? I have watched my friends as they choose one path over the other. Some of them choose the path that their parents want. And others choose the path they want and their parents reluctantly agree to allow their children to explore “other possibilities.” Somebody is going to be unhappy. I struggle with this dilemma, and often dream about my dreams.
I day dreams about this dangerous journey of life as I go to counsellor’s office to get a registration form for summer school so that I can improve my mathematics mark and successfully apply to the engineering at university.
Level 4: Uses more low-frequency subject-specific words (culture, engineer, opportunities, genetically, career, dilemma, dream), descriptive words (carefully, traditional, obediently, reluctantly, dangerous), academic words (explaining, information, recommend, counsel, agree, registration, apply), words with multiple meanings (path, struggling, mark), idioms (find myself) and figurative language (dangerous journey of life)
Level 4: Uses a variety of compound sentences (At first, I was at a lost for what might even interest me but over the months I have begun recognize that I enjoy helping people.) Attempts complex sentences (Life is harder when you have choices.)
Level 4: Uses more low-frequency connector and transition words and phrases to express an opinion (I want, but), emphasize (ever since, despite this), show cause and effect (because, so that), and express a condition (then)
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