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Student writing assessment exemplar:
Many people dream of traveling in space. The stars and planets are there. People should explore space to find out new information; however, they need to know the dangers and costs of space travel.
For several reasons people travel into space, such as, to discover what’s in it, to know the dangers it could bring in the earth and to know the possibility of people trying to live there. In fact who knows what you might find their, a planet where humans beings can adapt and or perhaps people from space or maybe even water. Travelling in space can help us know new people and things such as provision of opportunity to get to know other species and planets. Maybe you can discover new places or maybe to find a better place to live. People continuing to travel, in space gives us humans, great knowledge and new ideas because as humans discover new things in life. For example when humans first landed on the moon they discovered that there isn’t gravity, and oxygen, and that objects weightless. The rewards of travel I’m sure will be amazing.
However traveling into space is very dangerous and risky. Even any second the spaceship might explode into tiney pieces and you die, also going up there and not being able to come back down to earth due to a failure. However there are more dangerous risks such as lack of resources, like oxygen and food supplies. It is dangerous to explore space according to the research, about 30% of people who try to travel in space were killed in space. Furthermore, after traveling about 80% of people suffer from the gravity difference. I think food will be awful there, but it’d be cool to walk around with no gravity.
The main problem is in traveling into space is the costs, it is very expensive. It will take a lot of money to build the spaceship, and I don’t know if a lot of people would risk their lives and go on board of it. Going to the moon very costly and has great risks, to both families and the individuals traveling into space. It’s quiet costly because the equipment used is very high, and quality and is produced according to the size of the human, and the type of the job that’s going to be carried out. According to the news article London times people use about 60 billion on space exploration.
But despite all that finishing the mission is a very great honour as it is a risky job and is also at the same time and honoured to the country. I think that space travel, is improving over time because technology is also progressing fast making space travel. There are risks, but at the end space travel helps us humans and makes things, such as communication much easy for us faster and efficient.
Level 5: Uses a range of subject-specific words (planets, gravity, oxygen, mission), academic words (information, discover, adapt, research, exploration, efficient), technical words (costs, spaceship, resources, supplies, equipment, technology), words with multiple meanings (places, rewards, risks), idioms (find out), and figurative language (-)
Level 5: Uses a variety of compound sentences (People should explore space to find out new information; however, they need to know the dangers and costs of space travel.) and complex sentences (For example when humans first landed on the moon they discovered that there isn’t gravity, and oxygen, and that objects weightless.)
Level 5: Uses a range of connector and transition words and phrases to summarize (in fact, I think, but), introduce examples (such as, for example, like, according to), conclude (at the end), clarify (because, due to, furthermore), and qualify (however, despite all that)
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