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Student writing sample:
I come from country that has been involved in conflict for decades,
in fact, hundreds of years. The country has had worst of times many years.
If you count the years it would lead you to
pessimistic view about the past and loss of hope for the future. The individuals what have acted with evil meanness for the citizens of my country are enemies from inside the country and there are some enemies from outside the country. Nothing can
crush the strong spirit of my people,
particularly women, and most specifically my hero Dr. X.
When I lived back home there was conflict between different groups of ethnic minorities. The group who was persecuted the most were _____ (tribe). Moreover, females in our conservative society were _____
considered second class. Dr. X was born a female _____ (tribe). She was
condemned two times. But she became first _____ (tribe) woman to get a degree in medicine. She practiced medicine in capital city but
was forced to run away for her safety. The country was invaded by a super power. Her husband was arrested and never seen again. Dr. X and her children fled to another country.
In this new country she opened a clinic to help refugees who lived in terrible misery, particularly women. People in home country
fought back against foreign occupation for years, however once invaders left, a
radical extremist group took power of the country. Dr. X had been gone a decade.
Once the radical extremists had been overthrown an interim government was set up. Dr. X returned from her place of safety to take cabinet post in an Interim Administration. She worked towards making things better for women.
She was forced to resign because she was threatened with death and
harassed for challenging _____ (tribe) Law. The conservatives called her a criminal in our country.
Dr. X is not only my hero but she is recognized internationally for her courage and commitment. She has received many awards for her work with the human rights and democracy. A few years ago, she received a very prestigious international award. I can only hope to face adversity with bravery she has shown during her life. I follow her life and her work because it is inspiration for me when I read about darkness disasters across the world.
Selects from a broad range of words to convey precise meaning in complex and abstract contexts (conflict, decades, pessimistic, particularly,
considered, condemned, radical extremist group).
Uses many grammatical features (has been involved, was forced to run, fought back against) in abstract structures, such as conditional
structures (if), passive voice (The country was invaded by a super power.) and relative clauses (that, who)
with accuracy.
Selects sentence structures appropriate to the purpose, audience and style of writing (Once the radical extremists had been overthrown an
interim government was set up. Dr. X returned from her place of safety to take cabinet post in an Interim Administration.).
Selects most accurate words (crush, persecuted, harassed), uses sophisticated punctuation, and revises content for tone, voice,
audience and purpose (In this new country she opened a clinic to help refugees who lived in terrible misery, particularly women.).
Produces a variety of texts appropriate to the socio-cultural context attending to audience, genre, voice and degree of formality (Dr. X is not only my hero but she is recognized internationally for her courage and commitment. She has received many awards for her work with the human rights and democracy. A few years ago, she received a very prestigious international award. I can only hope
to face adversity with bravery she has shown during her life. I follow her life and her work because it is inspiration for me when I read about darkness
disasters across the world.).
Organizes ideas in a variety of extended texts that reiterate, emphasize and show proof and exception using transitional devices (in fact, and most
specifically, When, between, moreover, but, never seen again, however, because).
Proofreads and revises reports and extended texts for coherence, audience, purpose, voice and standard grammatical forms (the strong spirit of
my people, once invaders left, She was forced to resign). Note: Although at Level 5, the student can improve his writing by
editing for errors with articles, by using adjective clauses and phrases (individuals what have acted/individuals who have acted, the group
who/the group that), by using word choice (hundreds of years/centuries, loss of hope/hopelessness, meanness/maliciousness/spitefulness)
and by using word form (darkness/dark).
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